i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
