We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
