2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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