She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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