we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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