and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
