Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
