Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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