i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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