you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
