I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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