Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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