Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
