I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
