it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
