i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
