i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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