i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
