I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
