u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
