We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
