found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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