his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
