Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
