You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They took my balls.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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