Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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