I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
