you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
