I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
