Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
