he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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