Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Boobs are out for the taking
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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