I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
