Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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