True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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