is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me I should be a condom model.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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