I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
