how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
