if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
