his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
