Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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