The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
