You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
