On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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