There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are we still banned from the library?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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