pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
