This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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