Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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