Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
