Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
