How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
