then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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