I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
